Should A Wannabe Influencer Pal Cease Exploiting Me for Material?

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?